“Do you need help?” A sweet young lady asked as I struggled with all my bags. I politely declined. The walk from the parking lot to my daughter’s apartment is quite a trek, so I try to get all my things in one trip. Strapped to my body was my suitcase, my laptop satchel, my purse, my hobby bag, and my duffel bag, along with my water bottle. The woman observed my slow shuffle to the front entrance, struggling to hold onto everything.
“Are you sure?” She asked again as she watched me hobble. “Oh, I’m sure. I’ve got it.” As soon as those words came out of my mouth, my computer bag fell to the ground because the strap broke.
Asking a third time, I heard the woman say, “Are you sure I can’t help you?”
My frustrated response: “Yes, I’m sure.”
As I continued to strain to get to the lobby, I realized I really cannot do this on my own. I turned back to the sweet girl, thanked her as I handed her a couple of bags and we walked quickly to the front lobby, down the hallway and to my daughter’s front door. I told her how much I appreciated her help, and she went on her way. As I entered my daughter’s apartment, I was immediately convicted. I would never have asked for help. I would have struggled to get to the door on my own, huffing and puffing, becoming frustrated that I had to do this by myself, playing the martyr, and probably allowing the bitterness of frustration to sneak into my joyous reunion with my daughter.
In life, we sometimes carry around unresolved hurts; offenses we have laid on others and vice versa. Left unchecked, that baggage can sneak into our hearts as we carry them from one season into another, one relationship to the next, until the bitterness turns to rage and anger.
Our past traumas can cause us to question everything in our lives moving forward, pushing us back into the past; where we felt unsafe, confused, unprotected, and unnurtured. The baggage we carry can have many labels:
Loneliness.
Betrayal.
Victim.
Sadness.
Grief.
Pain.
Broken dreams.
And we cling to them as though they define who we are. We experience all our emotions at one time, becoming overwhelmed, unable to process any of them. Our baggage may cause us to forget about all the hard work we’ve done to let go of our past hurts and wonder if we are doomed to live a life of anger and bitterness.
Our baggage causes us to question our sanity. Our sobriety. Our jobs. Our relationships. We become hardened. And cold. Confused. Angry. Bitter. Broken.
And what do we do? We run back to our old ways.
Old Julia always rears her ugly head when pain hits her life. There’s a proverb that states, “As a dog returns to his vomit, so fools repeat their folly.” Old Julia is the fool. She picks up all of the baggage she had let go of years ago. She totes her bags around daily, wrapping them around her like a comfortable blanket, clinging to them for dear life. She carries her bags because they are predictable. They weigh her down and yet she carries them anyway. Her bags are unhealthy, but they are dependable. Trust, joy, peace, and forgiveness are all off the table.
The hate of our baggage feeds the ugly emotions of anger and rage.
The thing is, when we are hurt by someone we love, we don’t stop loving them. We wrestle with the emotions of love and the conflicting emotion of hate. Our love for our offender causes us to ask the question of WHY without ever getting an answer, driving us deeper into bitterness.
The bags we carry not only break our heart but crushes our soul, which opens the door to the past, bringing chaos back into our lives.
The Book of Esther has a strong and encouraging message of victory after a betrayal that could have ended in the annihilation of an entire nation.
In our spiritual journey, God often strategically places people on our path to help us when we most need help, and in the story of Esther, that’s exactly what God did. Esther lived in Persia, where the Jewish community were exiled. Even though Esther and her Uncle Mordecai were Jewish, God gave Mordecai an essential job in the palace, and He made Esther Queen after Queen Vashti was removed. No one in Persia, not even the King, was aware of their heritage.
When Mordecai learned of an evil plot to kill all the Jews, he immediately went into mourning and prayer. Then he went to Esther and asked for her help. She began fasting, and praying right away and asked for help from her community by joining her in prayer. Then, with Godly wisdom, they put a plan in place which allowed them to expose the evil plot, saving the Jewish people from mass genocide. When Mordecai and Esther learned Haman’s betrayal would cause their demise, they did not run back to their old ways. Rather, they practiced three important steps:
- They mourned.
We have to give ourselves time to grieve the loss we have experienced. Unresolved grief leads to heavy baggage. - They asked for help from the Jewish community to fast and pray.
Staying connected is so important. I’ve learned to allow people in my life to help carry my bags. Accepting help eases our load a bit. Asking for help is one of the bravest things we can do! - They took action. They moved forward.
Run to Jesus. Join a gym. Find a counselor. Find a support group. Volunteer. Take a positive action step to move you in the direction toward strength and healing.
Through deep pain, we gain wisdom, and we learn:
- We are not defined by our bags or our mistakes.
- We are not defined by life’s cruelty.
- WE ARE defined by God, and God alone.
When our old selves make an appearance, and we pick up an old bag or two, let’s choose what to put inside. Instead of loneliness, we can choose camaraderie. Instead of pain, we can choose to carry joy. Instead of being a victim, we can choose to be a survivor. And when our feelings haven’t quite caught up with us, we can pray, and ask God to replace our heavy burdens with His light ones. Just keep moving forward. Always keep moving forward.
Matthew 11:28-30 [NLT]
28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
STEP by STEP 